This
time I'll be going through various little-known chicken
facts and how to protect yourself in case of a Giant
Chicken attack on all of humanity.
What the
majority of America doens't realize is that Chickens are
the most dangerous animal ever known to man. These beasts
are the most ferocious of animals, and if given the
chance, would attack a person violently. Usually this
involves pecking of the eyes and nose, pecking in the
belly... and just pecking in general. Usually the Chicken
will also scratch out the intestines of its victim. I
solely head up the AIDC (American Institute
for the Death of all Chickens).
Currently, I am the only member, but one day we will
fight to have all chickens executed and frozen for later
consumption, because, well, we all need our chicken
consumption.
Chickens
come in many shapes and sizes, some are very confused
about themselves, some stand tall and proud. The leader
of all Chickens has a long mustache and stands the
tallest and the proudest and has just the darndest
prettiest colors. Observe:
This is the
leader... now doesn't he just look like he wants
to cause harm? |
This is one of the
more confused chickens. He goes by
"White-Faced Black Spanish Chicken".
See... he can't even decide on his race. |
| Chickens are
just inherently evil. They are born evil, raised
evil, and die evil. Its apparent that Chickens
are spawned straight from hell. If you observe
the Chicken prance around its... whatever... and
watch as it pecks the hell out of some corn or
some sort of chicken feed... or some person, you
can tell that it is a creation of Satan himself,
sent to earth to cause evil and stuff like that.
Everything that is wrong with the world today can
be blamed on the Chicken. You were in a car
accident? Some chicken was in the way and you had
to avoid it, lest the wrath of Hell be sent upon
you. You broke the vase? The chicken did it.
Someone's hat came up missing? The chicken did
it. You're dog ran away? Obviously... the chicken
called your dog into his service and now your dog
is, sadly enough, a servant of Satan. |
Doesn't this one
just look evil? I would hate to be face to face
with this Demon of Hell. |
If you see this in
your face... that's when you know its all over. |
And take the
noise the chicken makes. "Bok!" This
obviously stands for "Bitch, oma
killa." Which roughtly translates into
"Bitch, Its my fault that everything is
wrong with the world, I killed your cat and I'm
going to kill you." They walk around saying
"Bok bok bok bok" all day... its just a
taunt... they want to throw their evil in your
face. |
| Another keen
observer notes that chickens do drugs. Chickens
are born "crack chicks" and are usually
addicted to crack from day one. Sometimes they
stray over into heroin and its common to sneak up
on a group of chickens smoking on a fat spliff. |
These chickens are
on drugs. The one on top is obviously on some
'downers' while the one on the bottom is on some
'uppers'. |
Need I say more? |
Another thing
evil, eggs. I mean... this is obviously an
attempt at a dangerous projectile weapon. I
mean... shooting eggs out of your butt is one
thing... but when they start to shoot them at
your car, or a window at your house... its
obvious chickens are evil. |
Now on to
the most important part: protection. How do you protect
yourself from the inevetible attack from a chicken... or
that of a ferocious man-pecking Giant Chicken? Well,
there is no easy answer. If a chicken happens upon you
alone in the street, you're pretty much done for. But if
you're with a group of friends, and there's only one
chicken, you have a relatively good chance, you guys can
probably just kick the crap out of it, but watch out for
eggs, usually kicking a chicken will give the egg more
momentum. But what if a Giant Chicken attacks? Well...
we'll have to create Giant Butchers to handle the
situation... with Giant Bar-b-Que's to feast massively on
a Giant Chicken Breast... yum!
The Giant Chicken
attack. This will be a sad day indeed... look as this
poor FS2 game prepares to be scratched, pecked, and egged
to death. ::sniff::
In
closing... Chickens are obviously a dangerous animal...
if you would like to support the AIDC, please send a phat
check to me. Thanks.
BOK!!
|
